Meeting Myself

Last updated on December 4, 2025

I’ve been noticing a strange new kind of fatigue. Not the kind that comes from lack of sleep or juggling too many responsibilities, although I know that feeling too. This is something deeper. A soul-level exhaustion that comes from trying to chase some “higher self” I’m supposed to be becoming.

I’m a little tired of the self-help noise. Of all the Instagram wisdom that tells me I should be constantly reaching, ascending, improving, and aiming for enlightenment like it’s a gold star I’ll get if I just meditate long enough. I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to crave something a lot simpler.

I don’t want to keep climbing toward some sparkly version of myself who never gets flustered or forgets her grocery list or loses her patience when someone cuts her off in traffic. I just want to meet myself. Any version. Real, raw, tired, grounded, evolving, wise, confused, joyful, healing. All of it. I want a relationship with her, not just the aspirational version on a vision board.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for growth. I love healing work. I love soul conversations. I even love a good vision board. But I think we’ve mistaken self-development for self-denial. Somewhere along the way, we started believing that the only version of us worth knowing is the one who has figured it all out. And that version is usually dressed in linen, always serene, and never snaps at her partner while trying to find her phone.

But that’s not me. Not most days, anyway.

I’ve never been guru-centric. Humans on pedestals are destined to fall off. Not because they are bad, but because they’re just like you and me—beautifully, predictably flawed. I don’t need someone with a spiritual megaphone telling me to rise above my humanity. I need truth. I need real. I need to remember that wisdom lives just as much in my messy middle as it does in my moments of clarity.

I love being inspired. But I love being challenged even more. Especially when it comes to my thinking. I love meeting people who are smarter than me, who have lived deeper or differently. I never want to be the “best one” in the room. That sounds like a spiritual trap with bad lighting and no snacks.

And yes, I do reach for my higher self. Especially in traffic on I-30 when someone decides to use the merge lane as a suggestion rather than a rule. In those moments, I pray my higher self is at least within shouting distance.

But lately, I’m realizing something important. I don’t need to chase her. I don’t need to sit on a mountaintop waiting for her to descend in a beam of enlightenment. She finds me. Always right on time. Not when I’m performing perfection, but when I’m unraveling with honesty. She taps me on the shoulder when I’m spinning out. She sits beside me when I’m weary. She whispers when I finally get quiet enough to listen.

She’s not an achievement. She’s not a reward. She is presence. She is the deep breath I forget to take. She is the wisdom that shows up between the lines of my overthinking. She is the stillness at the center of my storm. She is not separate from me. She is me. The version that emerges not because I’ve earned her, but because I’ve allowed her.

So I’m letting myself off the hook. No more chasing the perfect version of healing. No more guilt for not being more “ascended.” No more striving to be some future me who always knows what to say and never eats popcorn for dinner.

Instead, I’m practicing trust. Trusting that my whole self—higher, lower, inspired, exhausted—knows how to find me when I need her most. That maybe the goal isn’t to constantly improve but to consistently return. To come home to myself again and again. With grace. With humor. With gentleness.

Because healing isn’t about leveling up into some spotless version of ourselves. It’s about remembering who we already are underneath the noise. It’s about being brave enough to be honest, soft enough to be curious, and wise enough to laugh when life gets weird.

So if you’re feeling a little tired of all the pressure to be your “highest self,” let me say this: you don’t have to go searching because you are not lost!

Just meet yourself, wherever you are. She’s waiting there for you!

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